His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
