i will never coherently bang her
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
