How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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