I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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