If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
