Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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