'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
