Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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