i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
