I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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