i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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