I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
