a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
