I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
