lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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