So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
