So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
