what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
