would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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