Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
