there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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