how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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