I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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