I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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