he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
