Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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