Screwed.edu
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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