new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Text me some of your sweat
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
