Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize