Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
