Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
