i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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