And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
