I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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