Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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