Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i wish my penis had a tongue
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
