This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
