I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
