You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
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I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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