I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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