I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
