Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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