I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
my poor anus
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
