and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize