just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
