I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
