TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
