haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
