why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
