mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
