I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
