My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
