be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
