Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Do vagina's smell?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
