Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
