Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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