Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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