very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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