I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
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I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
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He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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