Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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