I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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