idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
