Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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