It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
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I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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