good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
please don't ironically join a cult
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