hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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