AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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