before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
