based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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