I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
