last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
