so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
