After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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