hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
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I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
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i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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