WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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