I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
