I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
