I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
