Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
