Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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