You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
